Oh this hometown, such a sweet old town. Everyone that lives here hates it. Then when you leave, you miss it more than anything. "There's nothing to do and its so ghetto." I've said it plenty of times myself. But you better believe that there are places worse than Winston-Salem. And now I must list a few W-S jewels:
First: Hanes Mall. Yes it gets old but this place is so underrated.
Next: Wake Forest. THe cute little college campus. They keep to themselves. But theyre always there to party and give some school spirit. Speaking of school spirit, how bout those Spartans? Eh? Mount Tabor!? Best school in the county. Holla! Every game night we pack that stadium AND that Chick-fil-a. Thats right. Spartans love chicken. Never forget.
Now back to the shopping. The commercials for Thruway Shopping Center don't lie. There really is EVERYTHING you need. Pet store, grocery store, food, desert, shoes, clothes, everything. Not to mention its off Silas Creek Parkway, the road that gets you everywhere. Any sane Winston-Salemite knows to take Silas Creek at least three times a day.
And there you go, a little taste of the knowledge it takes to be a true Winston-Salemite... and those of you that have already reached this status...Be proud. Represent.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Bro talk
Boys are just different. They really are. When girls get together we talk about boys, girls we think are slutty, and all the food that would destroy our girlish figures. When boys get together they talk about girls...and penis.... why?! I dont think anyone will ever understand this natural phenomenon.
Why do boys feel the need to work some sort of dick-related comment into all conversations?
No one wants to hear about your sweaty nuts, your fro, or your disgusting itches. We girls have no trouble keeping these comments to ourselves. Would you want to hear about all our troubles!? Remember, we're the ones with periods. Yeah, wanna hear about that? hm? Probably not. Keep that in mind next time you wanna tell a girl about your prostate issues. Thanks boys.
Why do boys feel the need to work some sort of dick-related comment into all conversations?
No one wants to hear about your sweaty nuts, your fro, or your disgusting itches. We girls have no trouble keeping these comments to ourselves. Would you want to hear about all our troubles!? Remember, we're the ones with periods. Yeah, wanna hear about that? hm? Probably not. Keep that in mind next time you wanna tell a girl about your prostate issues. Thanks boys.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
"We're having an issue with alcohol in the dorms..."
Dear concerned citizen,
This, I can guarantee, is no issue, just a miscommunication. This encounter you've had with alcohol was no issue. Rather it was a party that you were not invited to. Obviously, I can see your concern. Who doesnt want to be invited to a party!? The "issue" lies in your approach to the situation. And thus I am obligated to spell it out for you.
Here you go:
-People have a party.
-People don't know you. And thus you are not invited to said party.
-People drink and have fun.
-You become disgruntled that you are not invited to join in such a joyous occasion.
-BLAME THE LIBATIONS (Obviously, its the libations that make the occasion joyous. If the occasion weren't joyous, you wouldn't be jealous, right!?)
Now, here's the real issue. You attack this all wrong! See? Now the party people hate you because you dis their party juice and try to take their fun away. Why would that make them want you to join them!? It doesn't! Which is why you don't get to party! So quit being a dick! Chill the heck out. Get yourself a drink and have some fun. Got it? Good. No more issues.
This, I can guarantee, is no issue, just a miscommunication. This encounter you've had with alcohol was no issue. Rather it was a party that you were not invited to. Obviously, I can see your concern. Who doesnt want to be invited to a party!? The "issue" lies in your approach to the situation. And thus I am obligated to spell it out for you.
Here you go:
-People have a party.
-People don't know you. And thus you are not invited to said party.
-People drink and have fun.
-You become disgruntled that you are not invited to join in such a joyous occasion.
-BLAME THE LIBATIONS (Obviously, its the libations that make the occasion joyous. If the occasion weren't joyous, you wouldn't be jealous, right!?)
Now, here's the real issue. You attack this all wrong! See? Now the party people hate you because you dis their party juice and try to take their fun away. Why would that make them want you to join them!? It doesn't! Which is why you don't get to party! So quit being a dick! Chill the heck out. Get yourself a drink and have some fun. Got it? Good. No more issues.
Monday, October 10, 2011
D-O-U-C-H-E-B-A-G
Regular Dictionary: (noun) irrigation with a jet of water into or around a body part.
Urban Dictionary: (noun) Someone who has surpassed the levels or jerk but has not yet reached fucker.
Now, Im not sure how many people actually know the true meaning of this phrase. But I guarantee I hear it used 4,872 times a day. Of course....I probably can account for 3,564 of these. This is by far my favorite word. It's so useful. It's an interjection, a greeting, an insult, an adjective, an adverb...pretty much anything you'd like it to be.
But let's look at the evolution of it. A douche bag.....a bag from which you squirt water into a body cavity....Do you know what they mean by "body cavity?" They mean vagina....uhm....gross!? Ok, first of all, who does that!? Why, girls, do you feel the need to jet liquid into your crotch? Sorry but that grosses me out, and I have a vagina. Nasty. So how did we get from squirt bags to jerks? Who was the genius that decided to call his pal a douche bag?
I dont know who came up with this....but I would love to shake his (or her hand). Figuratively of course..because especially if this genius is a female I'd rather not come in contact with the germs on that hand belonging to that douche-bag fan. Maybe just a pat on the back would do. Just a nice little thank you.
Thank you, dear friend, for our beloved douche bag connotation. I will forever be grateful.
Sincerely,
Your biggest fan.
Urban Dictionary: (noun) Someone who has surpassed the levels or jerk but has not yet reached fucker.
Now, Im not sure how many people actually know the true meaning of this phrase. But I guarantee I hear it used 4,872 times a day. Of course....I probably can account for 3,564 of these. This is by far my favorite word. It's so useful. It's an interjection, a greeting, an insult, an adjective, an adverb...pretty much anything you'd like it to be.
But let's look at the evolution of it. A douche bag.....a bag from which you squirt water into a body cavity....Do you know what they mean by "body cavity?" They mean vagina....uhm....gross!? Ok, first of all, who does that!? Why, girls, do you feel the need to jet liquid into your crotch? Sorry but that grosses me out, and I have a vagina. Nasty. So how did we get from squirt bags to jerks? Who was the genius that decided to call his pal a douche bag?
I dont know who came up with this....but I would love to shake his (or her hand). Figuratively of course..because especially if this genius is a female I'd rather not come in contact with the germs on that hand belonging to that douche-bag fan. Maybe just a pat on the back would do. Just a nice little thank you.
Thank you, dear friend, for our beloved douche bag connotation. I will forever be grateful.
Sincerely,
Your biggest fan.
Useful knowledge
Ah, my first blog idea from my daily life. Here I will pose a question... How useful is chemistry on the streets?
My first reaction is that chemistry is very useful. Chemistry applies to so many fields of street life. For example, drug compounds and reactions with the body for those of us into the illegal substances, reactions of nurtures with the body for those of us looking to maintain our girlish figures, and I'll even go as far to throw the cliche "girl and boy" chemistry in there (especially with all my that's what she said jokes). Anyway, the conclusion I have come to over the years of highschool and weeks o college chemistry classes is that it is quite a useful subject. It's beneficial to pay attention.
HOWEVER...
Today, in my very own college chemistry course, I happened to analyze my professor a little more than I usually do. This woman, a British woman (with decent teeth might I add), claims to be a very successful woman. Home girl wrote our textbook. She's teaching out of the textbook THAT SHE WROTE! Clearly she knows a thing or two about bonds and reactions. You'd have to in order to earn a doctorate in the subject. It's not exactly cake to get those things. But here's the thing.... This woman is large. Not like tall large but wide large.how does this happen?! You know basically all there is to know about how things react with things. Shouldn't that translate to "oh hey, lemme eat less so I'm not enormous when I present myself to students."?!? She obviously knows how calories work do eat less of them!
And I know someone's gonna say "well maybe she knows how it works and has no self control.....REALLY?! You can shove your face in a book for enough years to get a doctorate but you can't keep your paws off the pastries?! Come on now, set an example for the rest of society. Put your brains to use in your normal life. Just because you're a hot shot professor doesnt mean you're allowed to be lazy. Get yourself together.
My first reaction is that chemistry is very useful. Chemistry applies to so many fields of street life. For example, drug compounds and reactions with the body for those of us into the illegal substances, reactions of nurtures with the body for those of us looking to maintain our girlish figures, and I'll even go as far to throw the cliche "girl and boy" chemistry in there (especially with all my that's what she said jokes). Anyway, the conclusion I have come to over the years of highschool and weeks o college chemistry classes is that it is quite a useful subject. It's beneficial to pay attention.
HOWEVER...
Today, in my very own college chemistry course, I happened to analyze my professor a little more than I usually do. This woman, a British woman (with decent teeth might I add), claims to be a very successful woman. Home girl wrote our textbook. She's teaching out of the textbook THAT SHE WROTE! Clearly she knows a thing or two about bonds and reactions. You'd have to in order to earn a doctorate in the subject. It's not exactly cake to get those things. But here's the thing.... This woman is large. Not like tall large but wide large.how does this happen?! You know basically all there is to know about how things react with things. Shouldn't that translate to "oh hey, lemme eat less so I'm not enormous when I present myself to students."?!? She obviously knows how calories work do eat less of them!
And I know someone's gonna say "well maybe she knows how it works and has no self control.....REALLY?! You can shove your face in a book for enough years to get a doctorate but you can't keep your paws off the pastries?! Come on now, set an example for the rest of society. Put your brains to use in your normal life. Just because you're a hot shot professor doesnt mean you're allowed to be lazy. Get yourself together.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Genesis: The Beginning
I'm not sure why i created this blog. My friend told me to. And yet I've been told not to give into such peer pressure. Well here I am, preparing a web page to spill my guys to the world. Hopefully it'll produce a few giggles. The drunken posts might be best. We'll soon find out.
Anyway, introductions are in order (assuming not all those who read this know me). I'm Dana. Welcome. Nice to meet ya. Prepare to be offended, annoyed, entertained, amused, insulted, and/or disgusted by the oddities my mind conjures. I'm often told my thoughts come from left field. Honestly I dont know which part of what field they come from but I welcome them with open arms. Maybe one day you will to.
This is a bit awkward. Typing blogs feels like talking to a wall, except eventually someone will hear that conversation. But just as I dont know who will or will not read this post, you never know who might listen to that conversation with that wall....
Ill get used to it...
Anyway, introductions are in order (assuming not all those who read this know me). I'm Dana. Welcome. Nice to meet ya. Prepare to be offended, annoyed, entertained, amused, insulted, and/or disgusted by the oddities my mind conjures. I'm often told my thoughts come from left field. Honestly I dont know which part of what field they come from but I welcome them with open arms. Maybe one day you will to.
This is a bit awkward. Typing blogs feels like talking to a wall, except eventually someone will hear that conversation. But just as I dont know who will or will not read this post, you never know who might listen to that conversation with that wall....
Ill get used to it...
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